


How rare and beautiful

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (The oc is just one of john's men dont let that deter you), Angst, Blood and Injury, Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25158478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "There's no need for such words, you'll recover from this."I huff, ignoring the way my chest feels like it's on fire."Tell Alexander..."
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	How rare and beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 3 things before you read
> 
> 1) This isn't historically accurate but I kept it as close as possible
> 
> 2) I had to do so much googling about what getting shot feels like to write this whoops
> 
> 3) this was literally an excuse for me to write angst so if its not good oh well

"I think I love you."

It was a whisper, barely audible over the chirping of crickets.

I look over and stare at the man beside me. He avoids my eyes but I can see a glimmer of hope in them.

We are sitting a little ways away from the rest of the group, I can hear some of thr soldiers talking animatedly. I spare them a glance before looking back at Alexander.

"Alexander..."

I don't know what to say, my face is hot and my heart feels like it is going to beat clean out of my chest if it continues to pound at my ribcage.

I finally work up the courage to say that I feel the same, that I also love him. I open my mouth and close it, feeling like a fish James and I catch on the farm in South Carolina.

"Why?" I finally choke out.

Alexander closes his eyes and lays down on the grassy hill, his red hair isn't tied up so it speads around his face like a fiery halo.

"You're smart. You care about people. You're extremely handsome."

I feel the heat spread across my face and I rub a hand over it in a pitiful attempt to hide it.

"I think... I think I love you too."

The words don't quite sound like my own but they are true nonetheless.

That night we ended up sleeping side by side under the stars.

  
  


Eliza Schuyler was a remarkable young woman and was everything Alexander deserved and needed. Her calm yet serious personality contrasted with his wild and rambunctious one.

I encouraged him to talk to her, ignoring the pain in my own chest.

I couldn't attend the wedding, my heart couldn't take it. I couldn't bear to see a different person love him as deeply as I did.

A lonely drink made up for the missing part of my soul.

I throw myself into my work. I work harder than ever to make my dreams become reality

We are close, closer to victory, closer to freedom.

I don't see Alexander much anymore, he was too busy making sure we stayed winning.

It's alright, though. Maybe this was all for the better, if we never met face to face we didn't have to speak of things from the past.

We win. Of course we do, Washington is an excellent general and with Alexander beside him, he's even better.

The next year is a mix of change and wrapping up loose ends. There are occasional battles but nothing like the ones prior. My men don't complain about it, the longer they work, the closest they are to freedom.

My men and I celebrate the night before we head home for good.

The gunshots ring out the next day.

There is a strange noise in my ear, a ringing of sorts and I suddenly can't hold my weight up.

One of the men, Isaac, is quick to help me stand. "Someone misunderstood the definition of surrender." I joke, but Isaac doesn't laugh, he doesn't even smile. I blink a couple times and follow his gaze down to my chest.

A steady stain of blood is staining my clothes.

I stare at it while Isaac calls one of the doctors over.

It doesn't hurt, not like my arm did when it was shot.

It's oddly numb, my whole body is.

They remove the bullet and the world begins to buzz.

I become aware that Isaac has yet to let go of me.

The doctors promise me I'll be fine but I see one whisper to Isaac and I see Isaac's face drop. I pretend I don't.

"What will you do after the war?" I ask him.

"I want to buy my wife and daughter out of slavery. We can live together on a farm." He answers, his voice trembles and he struggles to keep his eyes off the wound.

I smile and briefly close my eyes. "That sounds like a wonderful plan."

We stay for a long time on the grassy hill. The men have set up camp, a few others are also injured. The numbness that I had felt slowly was beginning to dissipate and it left a burning feeling in my chest that only got more unbearable. My breathing wasn't right, I knew it wasn't but I couldn't even it out.

As dusk fell I am reminded of the first time Alexander had told me he loved me. How afraid I was but so certain at the same time.

The stars under the sky were just as clear that night as they are tonight.

I must let out a noise of pain because Isaac is right next to me a second later.

"Do you need a doctor?" He asks. I shake my head.

"No, thank you. I do have a request for you though, if you feel up for it."

"Of course, John."

"When all this is over and you're free. Tell Alexander... Tell him I wasn't in pain."

There is a metallic taste in my mouth and I try not to gag.

"Also tell him that I'll miss him. Make sure he knows to take his time."

Isaac frowns but nods regardless. "There's no need for such words, you'll recover from this."

I huff, ignoring the way my chest feels like it's on fire.

"Tell Alexander..."

I want to say those words he once told me not-so-long ago. But I don't.

"Tell him that he was my closest friend."

The metallic taste is overwhelming and I can feel a mixture of saliva and blood trickle out of my mouth and drip onto my shirt.

"You and the men, I wish you only the best for you're new lives." I say, quietly.

Isaac nods, his eyes glisten with tears. I want to say more but I can't.

The sharp pain only lasts for a brief moment and then world turns dark.

  
  
  


A week later, across the colonies, a man cries for the loss of his first true love as his wife reads a strictly informative letter.

The world is a cruel place and John Laurens' group of soldiers never became free, never saw Alexander.

They faded into obscurity along with all of Laurens' other dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I mention this is angsty? 
> 
> Anyways, come scream with me on any of my socials. I love human communication and would love love LOVE to hear your opinions/headcanons/whatever   
> Twitter: @abby55303725  
> Instagram: @_yeet__haw_
> 
> The title of this story is taken from Saturn by Sleeping at Last, aka one if the best songs that has ever been released


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